Culinary Racism!

Everybody stop eating everything! Right now, seriously...get up from your computer go to your refrigerator and throw away anything that isn't corn, meat, beans, or potatoes. We are all in grave social danger of CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!! That process whereby one culture adopts the practice of another for aesthetic purposes. Never mind the fact that America is a wonderful hodge-podge of Northern European culture. Never mind the fact that we have a cultural open Nation state. I think back on the past month and a half with terror as I recall the St. Patrick's day feast my American-Dutch-Jewish Nuclear family consumed on that fateful day of March. Even more inappropriate is the religious appropriation committed as my Reformed Protestant family consumed a meal that venerates and Irish Catholic priest. We should have minded our own business, eating matzo soup with schnitzel, and challah bread on the side. Dutch cookery is out because cultural appropriation is kind of a general expression of Dutch culture. If you need convincing of this, try to take coffee out of an old Dutch man's hand in the morning.

Okay Matticus, what are you on about with this whole cultural appropriation thing? I'm bring it up in jest because we now have a "PC" term for what most folks would call sociology, and thank God it's another thing white people everywhere can feel bad about! Here's a definition of appropriation from a wikipedia article:
 Cultural Appropriation is the adoption of certain cultural practices by a different cultural group

I recently made an awesome soup at the deli. It had a ton of veggies from our awesome produce selection, and was seasoned with a combination of eastern European, Spanish, and French flavors. What else could one title such a dish except "Gypsy Stew" (which was apparently racist). I could have called the soup "Migrant European stew"...but aside from taking up too much room on our board, that name just seems kind of worse. So...I'm apparently a food racist somehow. 

I wonder if I can still make French Onion Soup?
 Do I have to stop eating at Mexican places, because I don't think life without sopes con lengua is worth it. 

Oatmeal.....oatmeal is now the only politically correct food anybody can eat without being racist. Oatmeal, without sugar....or raisins...or any spices. No, put the salt shaker down. That brown sugar is a south Atlantic island thing....how dare you!

I make fun because thoughts have major consequences in politcal policy, and social circles. The only rational approach to reverse a diverse culture like America would essentially result in us putting a bunch of people (including ourselves) onto a boat to send us all back from whence we came. My wife would go to Israel, I to southern Holland...my buddy Andy would return to Ireland, and you would have to go back to wherever it was you came from. Or perhaps we can grid the US out according to ethnic groups and original settlements. Sucks for you New York, the Dutch are taking it back! We can call them Racial Zoning Districts, and prevent districts from marrying outside of their zones to rule out the risk of culturally appropriated children. Ridiculous you say? I agree. It is ridiculous to think that two cultures could possibly come into contact with each other without learning something, more than ridiculous it's actually more of a racist thing to do than appropriated what one can. I can't help but wonder, if a suit is filed by a minority group regarding cultural appropriation in English....does it get thrown out by the courts because of the ironic hypocrisy?